Happiest Christmas
by MissTeak
Summary: Last Christmas, Sesshoumaru had been around to hold her hand. No matter how cold it got, he had the magical ability to warm her up from head to toe. Today, she was walking alone. But Christmas never came without magic, or love, for that matter...


I do not own Inuyasha or any of the characters.

A/N: A short, romantic Christmas oneshot! Let's all open our hearts and let some romantic magic in!

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_I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, just like the ones I used to know…_

The hauntingly beautiful melody of "White Christmas" seemed to mock her. Was this Christmas just like the ones she used to know?

No, not in the least.

Kagome sat by the window in a cozy corner of the café, wrapping her hands around the mug of soy milk latte she was sipping. The window was misted up with the contrast of the chilly exterior and the warm interior, and it looked all blurry.

Was it the misted window pane, or was it the unshed tears rolling in her eyes?

Reaching out with her hand, she absentmindedly wrote his name on the window, before wiping everything away to leave a trail of clarity behind. She stared out onto the long snowy streets outside the café, watching the snow flakes dance from the heavens above to descend upon earth. Christmas was merely two days away, and the entire world seemed to be getting ready for it.

People on the streets were walking either in pairs or groups, holding bags of shopping and goodies in preparation for the festive occasion. They were talking and laughing despite the biting cold, and while she knew better than to be jealous of others' good fortune, she couldn't help the loneliness in her heart.

Now, she was sitting alone in a corner of a café which she had never frequented in the past, regretting the way things had turned out between the two of them. She regretted the way she had yelled at him, and the words she now wished she could take back.

Why did they have to fight? She couldn't understand now, in retrospect, why she had to argue with him over the issue of his ex-girlfriend. It had always been a nagging suspicion in her mind which no amount of words could reassure, and she found herself always being insanely jealous of the girl named Kagura.

Kagome had always pretended as if she fully understood Sesshoumaru's reasons for helping Kagura whenever she encountered problems. After all, she had come up to Tokyo from Nagoya alone to pursue a career, and had no kin or close friends here. He was the only one she could trust, and this ex-boyfriend was Kagura's only option whenever she needed help.

Logically, it sounded valid, and Sesshoumaru was never one who would cheat. Kagome knew that very well indeed, and while she knew Sesshoumaru loved her and would never betray the love, her suspicions revolved around how Kagura could be harboring ill designs on Sesshoumaru. After all, their breakup had been mutual and amicable, which explained the continuation of the friendship.

Yet even so, Kagome could not feel entirely at ease. And this tiny nagging suspicion blew up with the force of a nuclear bomb when he left her halfway through a movie with a simple _'I need to go'_. She did not have to be a rocket scientist to get this figured out; he was going to Kagura's side again, for whatever reason that woman might have.

He thought she understood his difficulties.

She thought he understood hers.

And it was often based on such groundless mutual assumptions, did human beings make mistakes we often end up regretting.

It was amazing and shocking at the same time to think how a few words like _"You owe me an explanation, Sesshoumaru" _could start off such a huge fight that ended with her crying and him, fuming. How utterly stupid, she thought regretfully. But why did people always have to regret in retrospect? Can't the right thing be done at the right time?

And why did she have to shout at him, and ask him to leave her alone?

Why did she have to scream at him, telling him he could _'jolly well go to Kagura's bed and screw her senseless_'?

Why did she have to initiate the break up after saying she hated him and didn't want to see his 'sorry face' ever again?

And why did she not say a word or try to hold him back when he tore his eyes away from her, strode to her apartment door and slam it upon exiting?

They used to be so happy, despite having small arguments and the occasional bicker here and there. As she sipped the gradually cooling soy milk latte, Kagome thought of how, once upon a time, she had loved Sesshoumaru so much; it hurt to lay eyes upon him.

There would be the strange fluttery feeling deep within her gut whenever he looked at her, talked to her, and every waking moment was spent with him residing somewhere on her mind. She would make the constant effort to plan surprises for him just so that he could feel her love tangibly, and she loved it when he surprised her with the occasional gift. Meals with him were blissful, and all television programs were enjoyable when she watched them with him. Even phone calls became something to look forward to.

Where had those times gone?

Even though he had never ever told her he loved her, she knew he appreciated the comfortable relationship between the two of them. Was he just chauvinistic and too proud to admit his love for her, or did he simply not love her? Their relationship just happened; there were no grand declarations of love or whatsoever. They just got into this companionship so naturally. Be it dating, having fun or having sex…it just came so naturally as if it had to happen.

Now, she was seriously starting to doubt it would have mattered to him if it wasn't her.

After all, it happened so easily. Any woman could substitute her, no?

To think they were once so happy.

Now, just like the snow accumulating in a sludgy mess on the asphalt, their beautiful relationship had come to an ugly end. Sesshoumaru was a man with an ego, and his pride would never allow him to come groveling and begging for her to patch things up again. Part of her secretly wished that would happen, but then again, to do so would not be the Sesshoumaru she knew, and his manly pride happened to be one of the many things she loved about him.

She found out that it had all been a misunderstanding; Kagura was working as a property agent, and had run into debts after being deceived by her client. Sesshoumaru was the only one who could help her. If he had not stepped in and helped her financially, the poor girl would have been in very serious trouble with the bank. They were friends, and there was nothing shameful or indecent about what they were doing. He was purely helping her out of friendship, as Kagura had called to explain.

But while the misunderstanding had been cleared up, the harsh words and anger displayed that night could not be taken back. She had a temper, and it all came out in open display during that fight.

Her phone rang.

She put her drink down onto the table, frantically rummaging within her handbag for the device, before flipping the clamshell phone open with fumbling hands.

The name dancing across the screen was 'Sango', not 'Sesshoumaru'.

Kagome felt her heart fall.

"Hello?" Her voice was unhappier than she had intended for it to sound.

"_Kagome! Can we meet at the Ebisu sky garden?"_ Sango's voice was bright and cheery, a stark contrast to Kagome's dreadful mood.

"Sango, I don't really feel like-"

"_Kagome. Quit moping, alright? It wouldn't hurt for you to come out and have some fresh wintry air! It beats cooping up in a shell. It's fun out here! We can always go for a fancy dinner!"_

"But…"

"_No buts! I've already sacrificed my time with Miroku to spend Chrsitmas Eve with you…it's just the two of us, just like the times when we were in high school."_

Kagome exhaled and cast a glance at the drink placed in front of her. It was almost finished, and she interpreted it as a sign that she should get going after all. Sango had been trying very hard to cheer her up after the break up; it wouldn't be right to take advantage of a good friend's patience and encouragement.

"Alright, I'll be there in awhile."

Draining her mug, Kagome wiped the sides of her mouth with a napkin and watched, as if fascinated, at the blots of light brown left on it. Torn between the option of hiding in this cozy, private corner and throwing herself into crowds of humans and interaction, she felt as though she could simply sit down and stare at the stained napkin. It seemed to be telling her she could go since she had finished the drink, but there was also the option of the second order.

She should go. Sango was waiting.

Pushing the door open amidst choruses of 'thank you' and 'Merry Christmas' from the members of the staff, Kagome wrapped her arms around herself and stepped out into the cold. The North winds were not feeling particularly friendly, and as they swirled furiously, they seemed to carry familiar sounds. She thought she heard his voice, but it was only a figment of her imagination. Those sounds only made her feel colder and lonelier.

Last Christmas, Sesshoumaru had been around to hold her hand. No matter how cold it got, he had the magical ability to warm her up from head to toe. They would stroll along the streets illuminated by merry Christmas lights that shone like a thousand amber gem stones, while the sky was occasionally pressured into displaying its vanity, putting on its thousand diamonds against dark velvet. The competition between the earth and the sky had been immensely beautiful, even more so with Sesshoumaru around. Kagome had found joy in everything, even the way he held her hands to his mouth and blew warm air onto them.

Today, she was walking alone, and had no idea how long she could take it before she once again chose the option of retreating into her shell.

Kagome sneezed when the cold tickled her nose.

And there was no one to hold her.

She did not know how long she took to make her way to Ebisu. She did not even care, and Kagome realized there were so many things she no longer cared about ever since she broke up with Sesshoumaru. She had him to fuss over, had him to please, had his expectations to meet up to. So once Sesshoumaru was gone from her life, so did the need to self-conscious.

Kagome lost the ability to be conscious about herself. Who was Higurashi Kagome? What was she?

Without Sesshoumaru, she was just about nothing. She realized how much she had been defining herself in terms of him.

Just where was Sango? Kagome wondered as she looked around her. The magnificent Christmas displays and decorations seemed to be mocking her – she was the only one there who seemed so sad, desolate and pathetic.

She called Sango on her cell phone.

"Where are you?"

"_I'm standing near the archway…you know, the one decorated with angels and white flowers? Come quick!"_

Kagome saw it and quickly strode over to the archway, where the lights were so bright; they almost hurt.

"Sango, I don't see you…" She said over the phone, when her body suddenly froze and she stood rooted to the frosty ground. It couldn't be real…there was just no way he could be here.

"…Sesshoumaru."

She was not dreaming; he was very real indeed, and he was standing right in front of her.

Having heard Kagome whisper Sesshoumaru's name, Sango knew her co-hatched plan with the latter had worked. Replying over the phone, she said, _"Kagome, I'm so sorry for lying to you, but…you guys should really talk it over. He is the only person who can make you feel better now. He's a good guy, and it was all a misunderstanding. It makes no sense to give this relationship up…"_

But she couldn't focus on what Sango was saying. Kagome could somehow figure out Sango was talking, but the meaning of those words were lost as her brain fought to stay sane in the presence of her ex-boyfriend.

He looked as breathtakingly good as ever, while she subconsciously felt self-conscious over how crappy she must have looked. Her eyes were obviously puffy, though not quite red, from the long periods of crying when she was alone at home.

Why was she always so inadequate and so…pathetic whenever he was around?

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath of the frosty air; standing three feet in front of him was pretty unsettling. The cold air stung.

"It was a misunderstanding." He stated simply, as if she didn't already know it.

She could only nod in response.

"So, what do you intend to do about me, Kagome? What do you intend to do about us?"

Kagome remained silent. Was there still 'us'? Or where they already two separate entities with nothing left in between? After all, he had never ever told her he loved her. Any other woman could fill the spot…

"It wouldn't matter if it wasn't me, would it?" She said bitterly, trying to hold the fortress of a façade up. It wouldn't last for long, she knew it very well.

The Christmas carols were still lingering somewhere in the atmosphere, playing voyeur to their love.

She could see the way he inhaled and exhaled. Those eyes of his were pinned on hers, as if trying to read her for signs.

"If you really think so," He said quietly, tearing his eyes away from hers to look at some faraway spot. "Then I'll leave the ball in your court. You can decide what to do about us, and…I'll respect your wishes."

That sent an odd stab of pain through her; she had never seen Sesshoumaru so defeated and resigned. His lips were pursed in a tight line, vastly different from his usual arrogant smirk or expressionless look. He was…nervous?

Something snapped within her, and Kagome instinctively reached out for Sesshoumaru to close in the distance between them. Leaning into his larger frame, she wrapped her arms around his waist.

"I was so afraid you'd leave me…I wouldn't know what to do if you did…the idea of you cheating on me is just so scary…you have no idea how scared I was when I thought of you leaving me for someone else…"

Tears were now rolling down her cheeks in chilly trails, but Sesshoumaru cupped her face in his hands and lifted her face such that he was looking directly at her.

"You're not the only one. You have no idea how scared I was at the prospect of being dumped by you. Don't ever do that to me again…"

Kagome couldn't help the smile through her tears at hearing something like that from Sesshoumaru. He had never said anything remotely weak or sentimental to her, and now, it only made her heart ache more with the love for him.

"Sesshoumaru…"

"Hm?"

She looked into his eyes, hoping to hear what she anticipated. "Will you always be by my side?"

"Yes."

"Can you not scare me or make me sad again?"

"Yes." He held her tighter.

Kagome had one final question for him. "And…do you love me?"

He rested his arms on her shoulders and leaned forward such that he was at her eye-level.

"More than you can ever imagine. I can have no other; no one can replace you."

As naturally as things had always happened between them, their lips sealed in a kiss. A kiss that promised the both of them the present, and also the future.

"Kagome…"

"Yes?"

"Let's go to my place. I've prepared two presents for you." He said, watching her face with a lingering smile on his lips.

She looked at him expectantly, her eyes shining softly.

"The first is a long session of the kinkiest sex we've ever had…" He leaned to whisper in her ear a list of the dirty things he planned to do with her the moment they got to his apartment. Kagome's mouth opened in a small O. She blushed furiously, but still smiled and nodded embarrassedly.

"Is that all you can think about?" She chided, squeezing his arm.

"Oh, there's another gift."

Looking up at the man she loved so much, Kagome smiled and asked, "What is it?"

Sesshoumaru broke their eye contact and looked ahead as he reached out to hold her hand in his. He took a step forward. "I'm not telling."

"Not even a hint?"

"You'd see it for yourself later."

"Hehhh?" She whined, giving him a mock reproaching look.

He merely smiled at her, and the smile did not disappear for a good ten seconds as they walked along.

This might be the happiest Christmas of her life.

Meanwhile, on the dining table in Sesshoumaru's apartment in central Tokyo, a Van Cleef and Arpels diamond engagement ring sat quietly in its opened box, shining brilliantly in the dimmed lights above amidst the elaborately prepared Christmas dinner.

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_The End._


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